Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Is it fair that 3rd world migrants and refugees are being put up in first class hotels in the UK when there are historic levels of homelessness and poverty?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I've written three books, but I haven't been able to promote them yet. What should I do?

I can count

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

How has Donald Trump turned the Taylor Swift endorsement into a win for him?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Why are most people broke?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

What can anal toys bring to straight men?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand how hurricane paths work

What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a child cry about?

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

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I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I actually pay taxes

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I can read

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I see through liars

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms